All too fast

My babies are growing... all too fast. I know, I am supposed to embrace this. I am supposed to feel blessed that I have two healthy growing girls. I am supposed to just cherish every moment and look forward to the future. I get it. For the most part, I do feel like I do all these things but that doesn't stop me from feeling a little tug at my heart when I see or notice things that remind me, time is flying by. One of those times happened today. It was funny at the time and still is but it was still yet another reminder that time is marching on.

This little girl...

Hannah and I were in the living room dancing our hearts out to Madonna's "Like a Prayer" and Lauren walked in. "Oh my gosh I wish I were blind" were the words that came out of her mouth as she took both hands and covered her face in complete embarrassment. Then when I stopped dancing she said "Mom, I mean this in the nicest way possible... when you dance you are a nightmare." I admit, when she said it, I laughed. But then the more I thought about it I got sad. There was a time, not long ago, that she would have run in and joined me, happy to rock out with us. Hannah wasn't embarrassed in the least. She was loving every second. She thinks I am an amazing dancer. Hannah is 3. Lauren is 8. What a difference 5 years makes. Then it occurred to me that I am going to blink and Hannah will be covering her face, running out of the room embarrassed that Mom (not Mama) was attempting to dance. It's so hard to imagine. Growing up and even when I got married and had Lauren I never really thought past this time in my life. I always pictured me married, home with the kids. That was all I ever wanted and I was so content and happy to have that in my life. So when moments like today happen, it forces me to kind of think past this stage. And when I do I feel anxiety, I fight back tears. I'm not ready. And for now, I suppose that is ok. For I still have the times that remind me I haven't even reached the pre teen years yet.

*She still wants me to take her to school every day and pick her up and has no reservation giving me a big smooch right there outside the school where all her friends are.

*If I let her, she would sleep with me every single night.

*She still wants me to tuck her in and read her a book every night before bed.

*She has not yet asked if a friend could join us on any of our vacations. She is perfectly content going as a family of 4. (I so do not take this for granted and appreciate it being the 4 of us because all too soon, that won't be as fun to her)

So I hang on to these and attempt to appreciate every second. These really are the best times of my life!